My Struggle With Self Care

by - 15:49



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Self-care... It's kind of been a thing that humans have done subconsciously, forever. Putting time aside, now and then, to look after our emotional and physical well-being, but only recently we have given it a name. 
I guess I wanted to post this as a follow up to my first post to show that I'm not the best at looking after myself. It might seem a little bit odd that the entire concept of self-care kind of scares me a little and I struggle to pamper myself. When life is hectic and I have a million things to do, having even a little time to myself doesn't always seem very important and it can sometimes feel like valuable time that could be better spent doing something else. 

I know I struggle most with self-care during periods of my life which I’m either busy, anxious or feeling low, which of course is when I need self-care most. I don't live the busiest of lives, but I go through busy periods where even getting in contact with me can be hard! I find creating and sticking to a routine is hard during holidays because everything is all over the place because of this my sleeping suffers the most.

The internet is full of self-care ideas and as much as I want to try them, the bulk of them just don't feel relevant to me. I understand different techniques work for everyone, but there's a lot of them I just can’t start to take seriously or imagine how it could be useful to my life. If I'm feeling so low that I find it an impossible challenge, mentally and physically, to even get myself out of bed, I'm really unconvinced of how much taking a bath is really going to help my situation.

Maybe there's some part of confidence in it, not feeling like I'm worthy of spending time on myself and my emotional well-being because of the way I am feeling. I hate the way that I feel like I don't deserve to set time aside in my day to do something like colouring in. 

Another possible reason is that I tend to shut myself off. I have a thing about trying to never want to appearing vulnerable or not in control until I’m breaking at the seams. It feels more comfortable for me to be alone when I'm feeling down. I tend to choose techniques such as watching a film or TV series while lying in bed in the middle of the day, sleeping and thinking of every worst possible scenario that could happen in my life. 

Afterwards, but mainly  during it, I'm always hit with a huge flow of self-hatred and the realisation that these aren’t healthy techniques and maybe, one of the self-care techniques that made me cringe would've been more useful. It seems like I continuously fool myself into thinking these self-destructive things is actually a form of self-care.

I like the overall concept of self-care and I have learned the hard way through different experiences that ignoring my mental health will certainly end badly. I can't help but feel a little isolated from the concept of self-care. I'm currently trying to find techniques that I can include into my daily life and that will leave me feeling revived rather than even lower that when I started. 

If there is anything you can recommend, that has helped you, please feel free to let me know.

geminiexplicit.blogspot.co.uk

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